Why I Run...

When I was a kid, and even into my teenage years, when I was upset, I would run. When I was happy, I would run. When I was bored, I would run. When my best friend and I got into a fight, I would run (There was one memorable time when my best friend’s sister and I got into a fight and I climbed a tree. But that is a whole different storyJ). The point is that I ran. I loved to run for any reason and even for no reason at all. It was healing, calming, exciting all rolled into one.

Then, exactly 15 years ago today, my world fell apart. My Dad died. My Dad. I could never talk to him again. He couldn’t teach me anything again. He couldn’t make a bad joke that I would give a sympathy laugh to again. When my Mom told me, my body registered what she said before my mind did. I fell, my knees gave out and I fell to the ground before I even realized what exactly she said. There was no time for a run then. No ability for one even. We had to get home, pack and drive to Louisiana where the rest of my family was and where my dad would be buried. No time for a cleansing run. Only time to drive. Only time to build up some walls that might protect me in the days to come.

Skip to getting to the funeral home where I am expected to help my MeeMaw pick out a casket. We chose a nice blue one that I think my Dad would have liked…I guess. Time for the family only viewing. What a torturous tradition. Why do we do that? Closure? Wasn’t closure for me. In fact, it was the exact opposite. One glance, one tiny glance, at the coffin where my dad lay so still and white and the walls I had so carefully built up came crumbling down. I turned and fled. That’s the only way to describe it. I fled. I only wanted away. I didn’t care where, only away. I ran down the aisle, out the door of that horrible room and busted out of the front door as fast as I possibly could. I was gone and I was not coming back. Ever.

My sweet, strong uncle, who had just lost his only sibling, reacted too quickly. He caught me around the waist as I ran through the door. I wasn’t fast enough. He held me while I screamed at him to let me go. He held me while I screamed that my dad was dead, really dead. He held me while I cried.

His reaction was the best thing for me at the time. I was a grieving sixteen year old girl with no money or cell phone on me, in a strange town, no way to protect myself if the need arose (although had it done so, I think my unspeakable grief and anger would have gotten the job done).The only problem is that I would never get that cleansing run that I so desperately needed. I would only build up more walls. I would never actually deal with any of my feelings. Life would go on. I would watch them bury my dad, I would drive back to Arkansas, try to go back to school, to work and survive. I would get married at a ridiculously young age, give birth to my first daughter a year later. My marriage would turn extremely abusive, bit by bit. I would have 2 more daughters and I would nearly lose my life getting out of a marriage that was only a sham anyway. And still I would not get that cleansing run. I would only build more walls.

I met Joseph, we got married and had our first son. We both got our degrees and tried not to be too stressed out. I still didn’t run. Not for happiness, which I certainly felt. Not for stress, which I certainly had but the walls I built did begin to fall, piece by piece. Joseph adopted my daughters, which only made sense as he was the only father they knew and the only one who deserved them. I still didn’t run. We had our sweet Josiah, our little surprise, and he has completed our family in so many ways. And still I didn’t run

Then one day, I decided to. I had only one reason in mind: to lose weight. But when I ran something unexpected happened. I began to remember my love for it. I began to remember why I had done it in the past. What was left of the walls that I built came down. I grieved, I rejoiced, I ran.

So, why do I run? I run for stress relief. I run because I am happy. I run to work out. I run for sanity in my crazy life. I run to meet my goals. I run to improve myself. I run when I am upset. I run when I am overwhelmed. I run when I am confused. I run because I can. I run because I am alive and my Dad isn’t. I run BECAUSE. I. AM. ALIVE.

~KC

Exercise can = Spiritual...Who knew?

Wow! Things have been so crazy the last couple of weeks! Crazy! Josiah has been sick. Kara broke her nose playing basketball at lunch. Appointments, work, and the list goes on. But there are 2 things that have kept me from going crazy myself. One is the time our running group has spent at lunch preparing for the River Valley Run. The other is my G-Fit class. Without these to really take my mind off things, I may have already found a rock to crawl underJ

Last Friday at G-fit, I had an epiphany. Working out, running, just exercise in general can totally be a spiritual experience. We were doing PiYo (a combination of Pilates and Yoga) and the music that was playing was of the Gospel variety. There was just something very calming about it all. And I realized that striving to get into better shape is a righteous thing to do. We are told over and over in the scriptures that our bodies are Temples. We are told to take care of them. Some of us have, some of us haven’t. All of us could improve in some way or another. As we were working out, our trainer, Gabby, reminded us that we are all important. All of us. And we should treat each other that way. Not just our G-fit friends but people we interact with everyday. We shouldn’t judge them because we don’t know what they may have gone, or are going, through. And she was absolutely right!

Saturday was a big day! We were running the race we had been training for. Our 5kers worked so hard. Some of the literally went from couch to 5k! Paula, Joey and I were running the 10k and each of us had a goal we wanted to crush. And we did it! We all did it! Our 5kers ran the best ever and finished so strong. Paula crushed her goal. Joey beat his goal and won 3^rd place in his age division. And I am so proud of them all! I am equally proud of myself, and I think its okay to admit thatJ I beat my time goal but I also did not walk at all!!! It was my first race that I ran the whole way. What makes that even better is that there were lots of hills. One of them I had been having a mental battle with for a week. I would not let it beat me. And guess what? It didn’t! I even had a moment at the top of the hill when I wanted to do the whole ‘Rocky Dance at the Top of the Steps’ thing. But I had miles to go and a goal to meet so I refrainedJ The cool thing was that at mile 2, just before the monster hill, there was sign with a verse on it. ‘I can do all things through Christ.’ That really lifted my heart and reminded me that I can beat this hill. I can do it! I won’t lie, I said a little prayer going up it, lol. And I made it! Then I felt so strong, like I could just keep going, so I did. And there were two more times that I saw verse signs and both came just as I was beginning to feel weak.

There was a part of the course that I had been looking forward to. It was a downhill section through the woods. When I ran it for practice, I felt exhilarated at that point. It comes at a great time in the race because after all the uphill, you need something that makes you feel fast. I kid you not, when I started down it, I let out a ‘woohooo’ and a giggle! Audible and everything. People probably thought I was insane but my heart was full of joy. And I was having a blast! All I could think about was that our 5kers would have been done by then and that Joey and Paula were getting close to the finish line and I felt strong and capable. I felt like we were all blessed to be able to do this and to love to do it. Definitely blessed!

~KC

 

Kacey's Theories of Relativity

Relativity as it pertains to Time:

When you are working out by yourself, time passes soooo slowly. When you are working out with a group, time passes a bit more quickly. When you are watching your kids grow up, time doesn’t pass so much as it fast-forwards…X 10.

Relativity as it pertains to Beauty:

That girl that is dressed to the nines, hair fixed, nails manicured? She is beautiful. That same girl at the park, hair up in a ponytail, comfy clothes on, is more beautiful than you thought because of the love she shines while pushing her baby in a swing.

Relativity as it pertains to Cold:

Winter in Arkansas has its cold days. Spend a winter in Alaska and all of a sudden Arkansas feels downright tropical.  Spend a day in one of the meeting rooms at Golden Living and all of a sudden Alaska feels downright tropical.

Relativity as it pertains to Giving it Your All:

Beginning of a work out, run to half court and back (down-and-backs) giving It your all: no problem run full out, touch the line, run full out. Do that 10 times. End of an hour long workout: 4 down-and-backs, giving it your all: limp as quickly as you can to half court, barely touch the line without falling over, stumble back to the baseline. Legs trembling like jello the whole time.

Relativity as it Pertains to Fitness Levels:

The girl next to you is kicking butt in the workout. Sweating hard, pushing herself and really going at it. The girl next to her doesn’t seem to be doing as much as she is, but then Girl B has 100 pounds on Girl A. Girl B is here to make some drastic changes in her life to improve her health. She too, is sweating hard, pushing herself and really going at it. It may not seem like she is doing as much as Girl A but she is. Her level of effort is just as high and she is rocking it!

The point of this post:

So many things are relative, but we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others anyway. The point of a workout regimen is not to become as fit as the trainer, or as the girl next to you, or as the stranger you see running in the park. The point of a workout regimen is for YOU to improve YOUR fitness level. Do not make the mistake of comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end!

Dr. Suess’s thoughts on comparing yourself to others:

‘Today You are You,
That is truer than true.
There is no one alive
Who is Youer than You.'

~KC